I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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