I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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