Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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