i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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