DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
