reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
