So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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