I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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