I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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