Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
