Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
