I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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