I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
