i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
