the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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