You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
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Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
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Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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