is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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