i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
