My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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