Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
