I'm so fucking centered right now
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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