Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
