Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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