My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
no you cant smoke seaweed
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
