Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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