I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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