i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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