I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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