Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
we should paint friendship bongs
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