I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
