I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
