why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
