Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
