My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We left the knife in your bed.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
