She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
