so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
