he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My vagina is officially offended.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
