we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
