I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
