There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
