great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
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you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
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Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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