I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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