You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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