When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
