I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
