I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
