we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
