i barfeds in our rink
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
