This is not my ceiling
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
