Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
