Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
