life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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