even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
