Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
