one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
