I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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