Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize