someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
