You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
