Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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