Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
