So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize