he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
