i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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