he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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