I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
