kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
