why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
