He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
