The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
