awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
