doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
