i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
