Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
