News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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