Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
