you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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