The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
