I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
